FAINTED

I could feel the sunburn on my skin during sort of long walk from night market to IPG. Everything was okay back then until the moments I reached my room. I knew something went wrong with me, I tried to ignore that feeling, I changed my baju kurung and pretending there were nothing not so right. Eating, texting, . . looking on the previous lesson's paper. .


Till I feel something very painful hit in my head. Great dizziness. I laid down on my bed, blurred vision. I was fainted. I know it's coming back. Since last two weeks, I felt dizzy in a specific period of time, my leg cramped. 


I could hear my room  mate calling me, put her hands on my forehead, I tried to speak but I can't. Till I realized that I fainted for the second time. 


I don't know what to do, seriously. My mum is not here, my besty is not here, the someone who help me went  through all these those days has completely disappeared in my life. I feel totally empty. What should I do? I can't recall any of the things that I've done to reduce this pain. 


Why now, why in Semester 3, why should now, why not last semester. 


I love seeing people who live healthy life, it seems that they have zero problem. Sometimes, somehow, I want to be like them to, even for a very while, that would be enough. 


I know I'm smiling everyday, people don't recognized me as I bear very hard burden in my life. They don't see me as what I am. But I'm glad for that because I love to see them happy. 


Yes, this is me. One of the unfortunate people. I carry burden that people don't see. People ignore me . When I listen to other's problem, I put myself in theirs and in silence I will cry for them. 


But I strongly believe Jesus have prepared something for me. Something that world itself cannot give. 


For a moment, I hope no one read this post. .