Last night, I went so angry. Till now, I don't remember what I'd say. That was the climax of anger in my life, for now. No one embarrassed me before to that extend. I don't expect everyone to respect me, but that's the fact, he's the one and only person in my life had made me crazy like that.
Until now, SUNDAY MORNING (7 August 2011) I can still feel the sense of anger in me. I don't know why me? WHY me? I never disturb people's life, I never wear dress yang ganggu hidup orang lain, I never expose myself and they get angry with me. I think I just being moderate in this whole life. Why don't he curse the other girl? He such just hypocrite. HYPOCRITE! Depan orang lain baik pla but when I behave more or less like them dia marah pla! Curse me pakai baju seksi d fb la , where?where? ! :'(
Till now, I still can't hold my anger and this is the first time I behave like this in life.
I feel like I want to cry when he say "go pengsan la!" ...I know I'm a weak person, I don't need you to mention that for over and over again. .and that is not a good saying from bf to gf :( :(
I miss my family and when I feel like this di tempat orang, I feel alone, there's no one I can rely on here. TOTALLY ALONE. They always say 'kau kuat bah'.. 'kau tida apa2'..even though when it comes to real life, I'm not. But their love brighten my day, every single words that they say, cheer me up.
May be if you say sorry after this, may be I just smile, because the sorry is already immune to me. YOU AND I have been saying it for million times and the sorry didn't change anything. The precious sorry is meaningless.
I cried every time I turn to CF page. I really don't expect this to happen to me. Active worshiper turn to passive one. I miss my primary and secondary and also when I was in Sarawak. Everything is clear and I satisfied as I took part in the activities, sing songs, till now I can still memorize all the songs that I've learnt, how much I miss that. But I feel that inferior here. Every time I feel like want to post something d CF page, I can't, saya rasa saya tak layak. I withdraw myself. And when I first go to CF this semester, I feel hurt when my own bf say something that really make me tak layak untuk pergi CF lagi. I expect him to give me strength but he really make me so down. May be he didn't feel it, because I always keep everything in heart..................May be I shouldn't go again..
Every time I read Bible and pray Rosary in my room, I cried and I feel so small. I feel peace and being accepted by the Father, even though I'm sinner. ALLELUIA LORD..
Sometimes, somehow I feel like dying. I feel like every emotions and feelings that I convey in my life are fake. Still, I'm thankful to God because I still able to breathe.
TO MY BELOVED, I don't blame you for this. May be it's my fault. My fault for bringing you along in my world, in my life full of complications, and if you think it's a mistake for you because have me in my life, then you know what to do, yet I appreciate what I have in my life, it's you.
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