Here we go again. It's been a long while since last year. And here I am, not exactly me, but my heart.
It's coming, again. My head was spinning, my weak body nearly come to collapse. I don't know what was happening in Melati just now. May be the lecturer was talking about PBS, something like that. I was only paying attention to the soundless video, which attracted my attention in the first place. The rest of the precious time, I was on my own, my very own. Drawing something which I'm not sure, it's look like eyes or face, I believe. Ya, I am an artless student who actually tried to draw an EYE which captioned,
People besides, behind and even those who sit in front seemed on their own world. Some was talking with their friends, others was looking at their cells. Claire, I believe, also felt very boring, but lucky her, she got her S2 which I think very friendly and giving-fun phone.The weather was very hot and I'm sweating badly. I never felt such boring situation, perhaps, so far. I try to pay attention to the lecturer but I just can't. The writing on the screen seemed punch me on the head. Therefore, I don't look at the screen at all. I try to focus on my drawing but once I held my head up, a lecturer who stood next to the other lecturer was like staring at me. Giving his focus-on-the-slides-and-respect-the-lecturer look. For a moment, I pretended to look critically on the slides. Konon. Then I came back to my drawing. Suddenly, I felt numb inside my head, my eyes almost closing. I then realized I'm not okay. Luckily the briefing eventually come to a stop. We cancelled our plan to jog today. Plus, how am I going to jog with my unwell body? Head. to be exact. I don't know what was happening to me. Am I sick? It's been couple of months I didn't take my medication. Iron pills. Is it coming back? I think it's because I don't drink enough water, or insufficient sleep. I really hope it is simple as that.
I'm thinking too much on our relationship lately. And I don't know what was happening to us. Are we okay, sweetheart? Is this relationship running well? I hope so.
Just now, he was then accompany me when I was walking with Farhana. I really want to talk but my voice can't get out properly and I think it was then remain in my throat. I want to tell him I don't feel well, I need him, I want to tell everything what was myself experiencing in Melati just now. But I know it might only ruining his mood and ask me to have rest. I don't want him to be like that, because he will avoid to text me because want me to have my rest. But along the walk, I felt terribly weak and I thought I'm going to faint. I feel so sad with myself, disappointed with myself as I saw him walk away from me. It seems that I'm burdening, bothering him. And out of my consciousness, I sent him message and after a while I guessed I was being so mean. What would I think I have done? I'm sorry for both things. I'm sorry for sending that message and I'm sorry too if I really have burdened you. :(
